The Dopamine Flux

Living A Full Life With Mental Health Issues

Life doesn’t always turn out how you want it. Although, that’s the beauty of life, right? Something doesn’t go the way you want it, and then some opportunity comes along that is much, much better.

This applies to my life. I got rejected for wanting to blog for a website online recently. At first, I was like “wow…”, but then I was thinking that it’s ok. This might be for a reason, and it’s ok. The one thing I may strive for (even though this particularly wasn’t) I may not get the position, but the great thing is, what else is coming my way that may be 10x better?

That is definitely learned gratitude. Full stop. Experiences can humbles you, and if you take it in and realize you can learn from it, you are so much better off than you were before. Even if its 10 minutes before, or an hour, or yesterday. The important thing is, that you dont let it eat you to peices to where you feel like you dont want to try again. That’s the only way you can truly fail.

The only way you can truly fail is by quitting, and that does happen sometimes where you really have to just give in. Though, you can always go back and try, try again, or take on something similar to it. And don’t mistake humbleness with weakness, or inferiority. It’s a learned thing, as well. To realize that you arent the best of the best, then that’s when the real personal growth starts happening inside you.

I am beyond the edge of having a busy life. There was a time when I had things going on. Then there was a time that I had a lot of things going on. Then there’s now, where I don’t have free time anymore, if any. (Oh, and here’s me wanting a child 😑).

I draw conclusions on my present and future life based off my past. When I was very sick I had absolutely nothing going on in my life. I hung around people that didn’t care about me, only to have someone around. It really got to that point. I had mini things I’d do around the house. Which in retrospect, wasn’t really anything at all. My day consisted of many small activities. I had to build out a routine on paper, or on my phone, of the miniature activities I did in order to have a semi routine.

With that said, the fact I’m even able to take on what I take on now is surprising, but it’s also pretty darn tiring.

Where do I start? My weird work schedule every week? My side career opportunities? My hobbies? My life involving my future family? My friends? Wait, what social life? Where is that social life I always told myself I would get started on? I don’t have time for it now that I am actually able to sustain one! Weird how that happens, right? Life.

And to say the least, with all the business emails I have sent out in the past three weeks, and I haven’t received but ONE response: blegh! 😐

Hey, [insert emojis to implicate the fact that I keep running at a million miles per hour, and my body can’t catch up with my mind anymore]: 🥱🤯😖. There.

So, here I am, lying down, knowing I won’t get any emails until Monday.

In the mean time, please enjoy the front cover of this 1976 issue of El Excentrico with my late Grandfather pictured on the front. His interview was on the inside, but the picture of that was poorly taken.

-Lindsay

Hey guys,

So, unfortunately I never heard back from the art magazine I submitted my art to, which is ok. It happens.

There’s quite a number of things I’m working on, although this isn’t a complete workup of them:

I have submitted work to a major magazine publisher. I also have a paid opportunity with a health company. Which both would be awesome, but it’s always a waiting game with stuff like this, as usual.

I start back college this week. Something I’m extremely excited about, but extremely nervous about, too. I’m wondering how I can hold up in it with everything I’ve got going on.

*On a personal note, we are looking into buying a home. It’s a huge step. It’s a huge step, because we’ve made a 5 year plan. Which includes having a child in the next year, or two. I’ve wanted a child for a very long time. I’d say a few years now, at least. I’ve definitely found the person I want to spend my life with, and I’d like to settle down even more than I am.*

Everything is so tough, and I keep putting more on my plate. I want to pay down bill’s, I want a house, and I want a child. Of course, I want my career, too. While that isn’t over, or on hold yet, the next five years are really going to dictate what I do with my life. This next 5 year timespan is the true testament to how my life will be spent. How fast I can secure everything on this biological deadline I feel like I am on. Life is a wonderful thing. I’ve learned to love it through all the hardships and trials I’ve endured over the past 10 years, and talk about trials! I’ve had so many, I don’t think I remember them all. Due to being so sick at one point. I feel blessed, though. The amount of work I’ve put into my life, and dedicating any extra time I have to bettering and furthering my life, I am so proud of myself. I am also so thankful for those that have stuck by my side these past 5 to 10 years. Oh, I would not be here without everyone that has stuck around. For that, I feel appreciative beyond belief.

Here’s to 2020! 🥂🎉🎊

– Lindsay

I have a number of things I’d like to announce, or talk about.

First, I bought Pokemon Sword back in November of 2019, when it came out. I am happy to say I have completed the whole gameplay, all the way through. It’s not so much about the game, as it is, I was able to finish something I started. I haven’t finished a video game in over 10 years, and I usually start one, play for 30 minutes, and then never again. I feel like finishing one is a testament to how well I am doing in life, at the moment. I finished what I started, and I was patient with it.

I’m close to the date of when I am starting college courses, again. It’s still a bit of basics, until I land on something that interests me. Go sun devils!

I have not heard from the local art collective that I submitted my poetry to, unfortunately. Im not sure if I will hear back at all from them. Also, have not heard from the TEDx committee, but it’s also pretty early still for that. Of course, the Brooklyn Art Library project is on such a standstill for me, I’m not even sure if I will be turning it in on time. Which makes me feel crappy.

There’s a HUGE waiting game going on right now. As I have to hear back from 5 or 6 people, and I’ve heard nothing yet.

On a lighter note, I have put up my Mary Magdalene holy water holder that my mother gave me. She is Catholic, and while I dont particularly believe in the exact belief system of Catholicism, I respect it, and it’s actually very interesting.

Mary Magdalene Statue w/ holy water bowl
My starter pick for Pokemon Sword. My good friend sent this plushie of Scorbunny to me in the mail.
Did I mention I went to San Antonio recently?

The holiday’s were good. Christmas was everything I needed, and wanted. Then we went on a small vacation to San Antonio. It wasn’t the best vacation, only because we had trouble with some employees at the hotel we were staying at, unfortunately.

I submitted my poetry to a local art Collective magazine in this region. I haven’t heard back yet, so I’m excited to see what they say. Also, haven’t heard back from the TEDx committee, but I’m not going to till mid-January. So, I’ve got all of that on my radar at the moment for this next month.

I also have the Brooklyn Art Library project due the first week of February, and I only have a few pages filled out. I am not sure what I am to do about that. It’s 26 pages total I need to finish.

We are so sick right now in my household. Fiance has the flu so bad, and I’ve got a cold. Not sure from where, but I am thinking from him, and he caught it from work. That’s to be expected I suppose, but I did get my flu shot this past season.

And without further ado, here are some pictures from the vacation.

The San Antonio Aquarium
One of the riverwalk hotels, 10th floor.
On the riverwalk
The riverwalk
My San Antonio loot

On that note, this is the end of 2019, and my journey this year, through all the hardships, and high notes I had. To the job, to the TEDx nomination, and my first book published, I raise a glass to 2020! 🎉🎊🎆🥂🍾

Happy New Years!

-Lindsay

It’s been a really tough past week for me. I don’t have the correct medications to get me through the day, and subsequently I’ve been not the best. Money is tight, as well.

Thank God for the love of the people around me. My Dad, and my friend, Tamara. Without either of them, I know I couldn’t do the stuff I do. It’s not just them, though, it’s a few other people. I’d like to give gratitude towards the people that have helped me this year, for Christmas. My Dad, my Mom, my Fiance, and my friends. Thank you so much!

We have taken a family picture, but the dogs were not cooperating. So, we put their pictures in separately. And my cat wants to act like she was taken hostage. Haha!

Make sure to give gratitude this Christmas, for what you have. Whether it’d be something physical, or a piece of wisdom you take with you everywhere! I may not post next Monday. I’m debating whether I should or not. Since it’s the week of Christmas, and things have slowed down a bit with me.

Best wishes & Merry Christmas!

-Lindsay

The catch-up week was good. I finished pretty much everything I needed to do.

I turned in my TEDx video pitch for the nomination I received. I did not end up going to the poetry jam, because I have been super tired with medication changes, but I planned out some other things for the rest of the month and next year!

I will be going to back to school in January. It’s very exciting for me, and I can’t wait at all! I will be a part time student. I also have decided on a small vacation I will be taking with my Fiance after Christmas. So that should be fun. As well as, I’ve FINALLY been working on my book, my autobiography. I want to set the date for it to be out September 2020 (flexible date). So we will see how that will work out between school, work, and various other things. I will be working on my book sporadically throughout the year.

We have put up our tree for Christmas, and we are enjoying this new place, and it’s wonderful! We will make great memories here.

Pray that I get the spot in the TEDx speaking engagement! I will know in January if I get it! I will be on 3 or 4 new podcasts in the next couple of months. I’ll definitely post them when they are aired! I’ve been racking up the minutes playing Pokemon Sword lately. Haha!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

-Lindsay

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