The Dopamine Flux

Living A Full Life With Mental Health Issues

I haven’t wrote very much this past week. I’ve been under immense stress and worry. I didn’t write last Monday, nor Friday. For that, I am sorry.

My 73-year-old father had his phone stolen by a customer at his work. I had to call the local police department, and have him file a report. Which, in turn, had me making a late night run to a used phone store. My mother has also been very ill. I hadn’t heard from her for maybe 4 days until today. She went on a trip and had come up ill. I was very concerned she had something worse, like the coronavirus, but she didn’t. She was very ill, but she is getting better.

Luckily for me, at this moment, my parents are safe and taken care of.

I’ll be 30 years old this year. I’ve only got so many months left in my 20s, and I really can’t believe I’ve made it this far. My cat is getting old, too. I’ve had her since she was 5 months old, and I swear on everything she is the best cat in the world. Very needy, but very loving. It can get annoying sometimes, but then you realize how much your pet actually loves you. She will be 15 in a few months.

The cycle of life can be a depressing thing. On one hand, you see everything and everyone around you dying, and their children growing up. Only to have the cycle repeat itself, ad infinum, maybe, who knows. Just like the grass is green, shiny, soft, and glowing at point, it’s just as much dead, skinny, and reposed the next. It comes back to it’s new bright green life again after it’s death. Similar to Jesus resurrecting on Easter Sunday, if you are Christian.

Fortunately, whether you are Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, etc, there is somewhere that is considered a much better, happier place than Earth. Our ability to find our peace within that cycle is ultimately a part of the better, happier place. Socrates and Plato regarded the body as a prison, and death as a means of freedom for the soul. Freedom, whatever it may mean to you, is a happy, freeing place. The kind we either work or have faith toward. Somewhere we all hope we can get to and attain essentially at the end of so much of the hard work we’ve put into our lives. Somewhat like a huge savings of retirement after leaving a lifelong job. We all want it.

Consider this. If we can be at peace with death, how can we find the peace within ourselves here on earth, through all the hell that earth dishes out? From murders, rapes, theft, trauma, psychological illness, physical illness, etc? How can we retain the positivity that will last us til our freedom?

It’s a different answer for everyone. My personal thoughts are, in order for that, we must search within ourselves for the happiness. Cheesy, right? Maybe you didn’t expect that one. In reality, we have to pull from the negative, the positive parts, and let me tell you, it’s gonna take some hell to go through to do it. But isn’t that what we are working towards, again? Our hard work will pay off for our freedom. Our mental hard work will pay off for our sanity to retained. And in that, the hard work could be anything from going to therapy, to quitting that job that makes us pull our hair out, to cutting off the toxic individuals, to…you name it, what’s something positive you can do towards bettering yourself as an individual, and retaining that happiness until we can have that eternal freedom?

-Lindsay M

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