A feeling within a feeling, at best, is what it can be described as. Within our lives the void we bear is a heavy one. It forgoes any actual value that we can calculate. As for someone like me, I turn to existential philosophy. What a ground burner to read Sartre in the rawest light I could’ve imagined him in. Beauvoir in a deep feminist state, I felt her pain as a woman. Imagine the theories arising from a modern Foucault. The deep state of depression intertwined with modern psychology and current lived studies.
I came to open my eyes today, after quitting my job. My job. A job. Not so much of a long-term career, if I had a say, and I suppose I do. The realization of a huge hole in my body, the physical deepness felt by depression, it’s irreplaceable. I drank two Modelo’s and downed a bit of Southern Comfort, and of course it did not help. I drove myself into a deeper feeling that I was unable to pull myself out from.
This depression, though, it’s different, it has meaning. The meaning, I don’t know, but I want to find it out. This depression, the meaning it has, is going to determine the order of the rest of my life. I can feel it.
When you feel that deep void, you start to wonder what the fuck is going on? Right? It’s an all-encompassing feeling.
I can’t help, but think, why now? Why am I feeling this now, when I thought I had it all figured out? Presumption before factual information is here.
Ask yourself these existential questions:
- Who am I?
- What is my purpose in life?
- How do I define my purpose?
- When will this purpose come into fruition?
- At what point will I realize all of this?
The difference is in analyzation, in my opinion. I am often told not everything has to be analyzed. Do these naysayers know that I am an INFJ, though? The thought process that comes on is my way of life. “PERIODT”, as some say, a shut-down phrase. Let’s shut this down, altogether.
In a world full of naysayers, say “LET’S DO THIS!”, but don’t let the negativity get to you. At some point, enough thinking is enough. It becomes destructive. You have to know when to quit thinking. When to exit the deep thought. When to shut yourself down. I consider that a form of self-care. Shutting your thought processes down. A form of meditation to just turn it off.
Turn it off. For your sake.