The Dopamine Flux

Living A Full Life With Mental Health Issues

I am a female in my late twenties (29) living with mental health issues.

I have been hospitalized near 20 times. Seems like a lot, right? Rightfully so, as I was very sick. I was first hospitalized right after my 13th birthday for depression, cutting, and a suicide attempt. I was last hospitalized summer of 2014 at 24 years of age for psychosis. I grew up with a typical life of someone who was bullied and ignored socially, as well as academically. I struggled through college. I hope to go back to college!

Since 2015 I have made big strides to become a better person and reach my goals of living an independent life. I live with my fiancé of 2 years in a small town. I am excited to see where my future goes, as it just becomes better and better, and thank God for this!

I’m currently writing and working towards a healthier future for me and my future family. I’m working on saving and making money. I am living a somewhat frugal life and working towards bigger and better things. I am employed as a Peer Support Specialist, currently. Helping others to achieve a life they dream of, and want.

Follow me on this journey!

30 thoughts on “About Lindsay

  1. ladyswan1221 says:

    Thank you for sharing all one can do is just look towards the future, For a
    brighter day.

    Like

  2. Hi, thanks for the like.

    I really wish you well, and thanks for sharing such intimate parts of your life. I hope you find a way which allows you to cope better with everything you’re dealing with.

    Take care.

    Like

  3. reneetamara says:

    Investing your energy and, yes, your creativity, in your blog is an achievement in itself. You are sharing your journey with the world and this is a gift. Thank you for doing so. I look forward to reading more about your experiences and the resilience that enables you to write so openly. The world needs more of this.

    Your background motif reminds me of a lotus flower: life, purity and beauty coming up out of muddy waters.

    Like

  4. Lady Swan says:

    Thank you so much for your comment I really appreciate the fact that there is someone out there that I can help with my blogging, The situation with my daughter I call it groundhog day. the motivation I have for helping my daughter Is that once I go on I don’t want to go in front of God and he asked me how come I didn’t help her.

    Like

  5. Tamara says:

    I just started reading your blog today and I already love it. Thank you for putting yourself out there. I have a friend with schizophrenia and I want to learn everything about it. Especially what it’s like from the perspective of someone that has it, so that hopefully I’ll be better able to encourage and support him. You are a lovely person.

    Like

    1. Moze Pray says:

      Thank you, I appreciate that. I try to raise awareness as much as I can. Thank you for visiting!

      Like

  6. Tamara says:

    I found your blog through psychcentral. For some dumb reason it won’t let me register to post on the forums. Don’t give up on trying to change the world. I also want to change things in whatever way I can, in regard to mental illness. Your effort means so much, and is an inspiration.

    Like

    1. Moze Pray says:

      Wow…Im a bit surprised anyone is really even keeping up with what I have to say honestly. Thank you. Thank you for caring about me too. Thank you for reading what I have to say and taking that time to do that. Thats all I ever wanted for myself, was for someone to even listen to what I went through. I want that for other people too. Even though im still searching for other people to listen to me, I still want to give that opportunity to others too. Im glad someone can see my efforts…and listen, too.

      About PsychCentral, theres a link to contact them if you have trouble signing up. Although I can go on the forums and ask the members what is going on about registering. Whats it saying when you try to sign up?

      Like

  7. Tamara says:

    It said that my ip was on some list and was therefore banned from posting.

    I know what it’s like to want so much to change something that seems unchangeable, and getting discouraged. I looked for a long time through every website that I found on Google, that didn’t look retarded, that had information about schizophrenia, and BPD also. Yours is the only one that I found, aside from psychcentral, that was real and not just textbook. So keep up the good job.

    Like

    1. Moze Pray says:

      Wow that means a lot! So how did you find me? On psychcentral forums or through google?

      ill ask the forum about your first question

      Like

  8. Tamara says:

    It was through the forums, which I found through Google..so, both I suppose. I started reading the different posts, and you made an entry that I found fascinating and I saw that you had a blog. I said to myself, “hey, that’s exactly what I was hoping for.” And then I went and read all of the blog entries. There’s so much that I dont know, and having friends with mental illnesses is a driving force for me. Learning about everything that you and all the other folks on the forums go through has really opened up new areas of understanding, and also helps me to be relate with things in my own life. I feel sad that I am not able to interact there. Thank you for your help. I will try also to see if I can get around the ban. (:

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Moze Pray says:

      You need ro contact DocJon or goto the ContactUs page and contact them about the ban.

      Like

      1. Tamara says:

        Thanks! I will do that and see what they say. I wish I’d tried right after it happened, but I got frustrated that my iPad was on the naughty list.

        Like

  9. Tamara says:

    They lifted the ban, now I just have to be brave with jumping in.

    Like

  10. Carlene Byron says:

    Thank you for reading my blog about the churchandmentalillness. I will tell you one thing I learned about suicide when I was about your age. I wanted to do it and the voice I know is God said in my head: “Plant bulbs.”

    And I said: “Huh?”

    Because seriously … plant bulbs? I mean, I’m sitting in my car too desperate to even go back in the house after a day of work and you’re telling me “Plant bulbs”???

    And the voice I know is God said: “If you don’t have a reason to live until spring, plant bulbs.”

    So I did.

    That night, over dinner, I got my roommates to chip in and I went to the nursery after work the next day and bought about a hundred bulbs — tulips and crocus and hyacinth and daffodils. It took every bit of late afternoon light for two weeks to dig up shallow beds to plant them in. I was sprinkling in bone meal fertilizer before setting the bulbs one afternoon, late in October, when a couple of the neighborhood boys rode up on their bikes.

    Halloween was getting close and I guess all of these big shallow holes in the ground looked pretty spooky to them, especially now that I was scattering some kind of mysterious white powder into the bottom of each one.

    “What’s that?” the chubby bully boy asked, pointing at the powder with a bit of uncertainty in his voice.

    I’m something of a teacher, so I always try to explain things in terms people will understand. Unfortunately, I don’t always think about what the terms will mean to them.

    “It’s ground up bones,” I told him.

    “Aaaah!” he yelled. And they both pedaled off as quickly as they could.

    I still plant lots of bulbs. I have narcissus blooming on my window sill right now; fragrant freesia just starting to poke up through the soil in their pot.

    It does give me a reason to keep going. And our blogs are a way to plant bulbs in other people’s lives, too.

    Like

  11. Daleen says:

    Hey Moze! Thank you for following my blog. Please never give up hope. As you know by now, I am a person who is being plagued by a Problem called schizophrenia and have been for many years – it started with childhood schizophrenia when I was about 10 and I am 44 years old now. I used to take a lot of medication but through a wonderful stroke of luck I stumbled upon Narrative Therapy in the year 2000 and that has saved my life. I am no longer on medication, but please, I am NOT saying you should stop yours. Please don’t! I am just saying that maybe you should look into narrative therapy. It has given me wonderful ways to deal with my paranoia and how to cope with ‘episodes’ when I am in public. This blog is a wonderful idea. Keep going! You are not Schizophrenic, You are Moze and you have a Problem called schizophrenia. It does not define you!

    Like

    1. Moze Pray says:

      Thank you so much. I will look into narrative therapy. I’ve never heard of that before. Thank you for understanding!

      Like

  12. Daleen says:

    I nominated you for the Liebster Award. You can find details here: https://undertakerstories.wordpress.com/2015/03/13/my-acceptance-speech-the-liebster-award/

    Like

    1. Moze Pray says:

      Wow, thank you! I will definitely do it. Wow, I appreciate that. So I basically do as you did, and follow the rules and nominate others, as well?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Daleen says:

        Yup! It takes a bit of time (took me all day, really) but it brings in traffic for you and those you nominate, so you just make up 10 questions for the blogs you nominate and if you want you can get the award image on Google or copy it from my post. Have fun and don’t hate me when it takes all day 😀

        Like

      2. Moze Pray says:

        Lol, ok. I do appreciate it. It means a lot. Thank you 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Bipolar1Blog says:

    ❤ ❤ for you. Keep hope in your heart for better days and medications. You are a precious person, don't ever let your illness make you think you are not. Thank you so much for the Leibster nomination!!! xxxxoooo

    Like

  14. K.M. Clarkson says:

    Hey, Thank you for writing! Please continue. I have Schizo affective depressive disorder/BPD. I have never been able to talk to anyone with this specific illness. You are an encouragement to me. I’m sorry you have such hardships. Just know you are making a difference in other people’s lives by sharing your experiences. Lots of love, thoughts, and prayers.

    Like

    1. Moze Pray says:

      Thank you for your comment! I will continue! I am glad I can be of encouragement!

      Like

  15. Hey, Victoria here, thanks for liking my blog. I appreciate it! Life can be hard with such a diagnosis but I try to get through each day with hope. I have a 16 yr old son who is my life as well as 2 adult children who don’t need me as much but it would be devastating to them if I killed myself. Protective factors are huge for people like us because i am sure you are aware of the suicide rates:( Anyway, I am going to read more of your blogs.
    Pax

    Like

  16. Sarah Tran says:

    Hi,
    I’ve just come across your blog and I think it is amazing that you have the confidence to share your experiences with schizophrenia. I just wanted to let you know that you are extremely brave and I hope everything is going well.
    I am a fashion student, studying at Ravensbourne university and I was wondering If you can answer a few questions to help me with my current project based on schizophrenia. As part of my research I want to reach out to different people, connect with them on a personal level and listen to what they have to say about it.
    If you have the time, I hope to hear back soon via my email.

    Sarah Tran

    Like

  17. Airika Annette says:

    Finally got to reading this. It’s inspired me to start my own. You’re an inspiration for all of us living with mental health issues 🖤🖤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Moze Pray says:

      Thanks so much, erica!

      Like

  18. Loved the way you described yourself with no filters.You don’t know how relieving it is to find someone you can relate with.I am so happy to see people talk about mental heath issues nowadays.As a person who suffered from depression and constantly battles with anxiety,I salute you for your courage and determination.I know how hard it is to come out of that vicious cycle and keep moving forward.And know that YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Moze Pray says:

      Thank you so much! I really appreciate that, and I hope to continue to inspire more people, and give them hope. They aren’t alone out there, like I once thought I was. Thank you, again, and I hope you continue to read my blog. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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