Tag Archives: anxiety

Project in the Works


Hey guys!

Hope your weekend was kind to you! I have been absolutely exhausted due to a new raise on the dosage of my medication. I had debated about raising it with my doctor, for about 2 months. We did it, and now I seem unable to function daily with this new dosage so far. I’ve only been on it for a week, and I am so tired when I feel like I shouldn’t be.

I have a question for you guys. I had thoughts about making a sort of mental health planner. It would be somewhat like a regular planner, but it would have a mental health focus to it. Where you could, maybe, write down moods, journal, etc, maybe even have a place to write about your medications.

Would you guys buy it?

Let me know if this is worth it!

(BTW: Went to a petting zoo. Saw this little piggie!)

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

A Little Forethought


I should’ve seen it coming a mile way. I’m know myself better than anyone, right? Better than any doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, right? But I thought I would be fine.

I’m late posting this, very late, because today (see: this morning) I went through a grueling emotional rollercoaster, and physical turmoil. I didn’t have my medication. I was out, and I hadn’t slept all night.

I was out due to some error on either my pharmacy’s side, or my doctor’s side. Which ended up having to have my medication pre-authorized, but I was out. I was already feeling the physical, mental, and emotional withdrawals that come with antipsychotic withdrawals.

I was told I would have to pay out of pocket to get the medication, or wait days for it to be pre-authorized. I decided to pay out of pocket. Went up to a local pharmacy, and they quoted me at $400. Which I did not have. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I turned around and looked at my fiance, and began to spiral at the pharmacy, emotionally. The lady asked if me I wanted to wait for the authorization. I almost said yes, but instead said, “Can you use GoodRx?”. She said “Yes”, and I prayed for a lower price. She told me it would be $52 dollars total. I went and shopped for groceries, and came back, nervously. She said they didn’t have enough in stock, but she could give me a 3 days supply, and I can come back in three days and get the rest. That I wouldn’t have to pay anything for today.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my thoughts calmed in my head. I looked over at my fiance, and gave him a look of relief, but a look of the fear I had been holding in all day.

I should’ve seen it coming, missing a night’s and day’s worth of medication, but I didn’t. For one, this was a semi-new medication for me, so I didn’t know what to expect with missing a day’s worth of pills. I thought I could will myself through it, though. That was my biggest mistake. I’ve already been under enough stress while on all my medications. So, I’m not quite sure what made think I could be ok going without, especially when I didn’t know how long I’d be without.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Excited, Yet Overwhelmed


Hey guys!

I’m excited to say that I am partaking in an art project out of New York. It’s called the Brooklyn Art Project. You buy a sketchbook from them, it’s already decked out with a barcode and instructions. You send it back to them, and they put it on file for other people to look at. You can have it digitized, too, so others can see your art online. They even text/email you each time your sketchbook is viewed! So exciting! I can’t wait to fill it out and send it back.

I am still working on that self-care guide. Life is busier for me than it ever has been, and I don’t get a chance to do things I’d like to do more often. Which sucks, but so many good things are coming my way, and I’m super excited about it.

This is also a really hard time for me, because of all the stuff going on. I’ve gotten a wake-up call in the past week about my physical health, and my mental health has been tested to the max. I had a manic episode yesterday. Which I believe was due to a prednisone shot I received for back pain. Apparently, prednisone causes mood changes! I did not know that. I have so many things to do regarding my physical health, and it’s really overwhelming for me.

I hope you guys don’t mind me taking it a bit slow, but I surely will get everything done. And then more stuff will pop up! Such is life, right?

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Down Phase


Hey guys,

I’ve been in a down phase this past week, but I’m committed to updating my blog once a week, every Monday.

Work is slow, because I’m new, and my title is new to this organization. I’m excited as heck to work, though, so I’m ready for things to get into a routine pace. They want me to get certified by the end of this month.

There’s been a bit of depression for me. My only living grandfather past away last night. I didn’t really know him well, but I am sad. I also haven’t had a chance to write all week, nor all weekend. I’ve been exhausted from work and personal things I had to do on my days off. So I slept or relaxed for two days. My current support system isn’t going to be the way I’d like it for awhile, because of the death in my family.

All in all, things are slow right now, but I’m hoping it will pick up this week. I hope to get some writing done, to do more at work, and become less exhausted (but that may not happen).

I bought this new tea kettle in the picture above. I hope you guys like it!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

This Went Left


We can’t afford to live where we are living anymore, and it’s really putting me in the deep end, emotionally.

I’ve been very depressed, procrastinating, and letting everything fall to the wayside. This is hitting home way too much.

My Love and I may have to move back in with our parents (separately), after just recently getting engaged. We can’t afford a home, another apartment, or even the same apartment. We are spending $719 here, plus all bills separately from that. We can’t seem to make it on his income, plus my disability income.

We are lost and just looking for a miracle.

Please bear with me for the moment being.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

This Man Is My Life


Literally. And all I can think about everyday.

I just want things to be better between us. Obviously, if he didn’t love me, or like me, he wouldn’t have proposed! So I definitely need to do my part. I have considered couples counseling, but now that I think about it, so much of the problem, I feel like, is me. Well, to an honest extent it is, but then, it isn’t.

I became depressed back in January this year. What started off as talking about a possible engagement between us, to my mom, ended up disastrous. Things became worse and worse in my head, and everything spiraled out of control inside me. I became depressed. I stopped showering, taking care of the house, I binge ate, I stopped brushing my hair, etc, and honestly, i’m still at that point, but it’s gotten better as time has went on.

My Love and I talked today. We had an argument about our feelings. He says, “I work 40 hours a week, and I come home and have to clean up the house AND cook.” I said, “I’d be in better spirits if you just spent time with me.”

Honestly, we never came to an agreement on the time spent together before the argument ended, but I promised him things would change and that I would start cleaning more and cooking more.

All of this stopped once I got depressed back in January. Just everything, like I said above plus more! I grew up in a house in my early twenties where my Dad hoarded a bit. Everything was always filthy. I hated it, but never cleaned. I’m not sure why, other than I didn’t want to clean. I just stayed in bed all day due to depression, anxiety, and psychosis. I either slept or ate, but I was always in bed. My Love said I need to break that habit of being in bed. I’m thinking I do, too, and need to start contributing to the household. Especially if i’m not working, I suppose.

Here’s to better times! 🍻

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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