Tag Archives: becoming myself

Excited, Yet Overwhelmed


Hey guys!

I’m excited to say that I am partaking in an art project out of New York. It’s called the Brooklyn Art Project. You buy a sketchbook from them, it’s already decked out with a barcode and instructions. You send it back to them, and they put it on file for other people to look at. You can have it digitized, too, so others can see your art online. They even text/email you each time your sketchbook is viewed! So exciting! I can’t wait to fill it out and send it back.

I am still working on that self-care guide. Life is busier for me than it ever has been, and I don’t get a chance to do things I’d like to do more often. Which sucks, but so many good things are coming my way, and I’m super excited about it.

This is also a really hard time for me, because of all the stuff going on. I’ve gotten a wake-up call in the past week about my physical health, and my mental health has been tested to the max. I had a manic episode yesterday. Which I believe was due to a prednisone shot I received for back pain. Apparently, prednisone causes mood changes! I did not know that. I have so many things to do regarding my physical health, and it’s really overwhelming for me.

I hope you guys don’t mind me taking it a bit slow, but I surely will get everything done. And then more stuff will pop up! Such is life, right?

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Something Cathartic Happened Today


I am home today with nothing to do. I couldn’t snag any hours today with Instacart, my other jobs haven’t come through yet, and I have nowhere to go. I’ve cleaned the house already, yesterday, like a maniac.

So i’ve been in bed all day, thinking.

And that’s where things get bad.

I had a panic attack.

I shouldn’t be doing that. Every. Single. Time, i’m idle like that I start thinking about my past and how I used to be. Except this time, I started to realize something. I’ve changed.

When I was teen, and younger, I was very shy and quiet. I liked artsy things, I was gothic, and then punk and emo. I played music, etc. Then when I got sick around my early twenties, I was so deathly afraid of people. I barely left my house, barely showered, stopped my meds cold turkey and almost become catatonic, I was so sick. I started reading more about philosophy, religion, and got into government conspiracies. You get the picture.

Now, within the past few years, as I have recovered from Mental Illness, I have become quite a social butterfly. Not a lot, but enough to have a good amount of friends and keep them. Instacart, back then (or anything like it), would’ve been a pipe dream. Or maybe a nightmare for me.

And it was then, I felt confused for the first time.

Here I am, having gone through so much and changed so much, and STILL changing. It’s as if I’ve lost myself or maybe part of myself along the way.

Like I don’t even know who I am anymore. And I need help. I need grounding. I need guidance. Or something like it.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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