Tag Archives: broke

A Little Forethought


I should’ve seen it coming a mile way. I’m know myself better than anyone, right? Better than any doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, right? But I thought I would be fine.

I’m late posting this, very late, because today (see: this morning) I went through a grueling emotional rollercoaster, and physical turmoil. I didn’t have my medication. I was out, and I hadn’t slept all night.

I was out due to some error on either my pharmacy’s side, or my doctor’s side. Which ended up having to have my medication pre-authorized, but I was out. I was already feeling the physical, mental, and emotional withdrawals that come with antipsychotic withdrawals.

I was told I would have to pay out of pocket to get the medication, or wait days for it to be pre-authorized. I decided to pay out of pocket. Went up to a local pharmacy, and they quoted me at $400. Which I did not have. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I turned around and looked at my fiance, and began to spiral at the pharmacy, emotionally. The lady asked if me I wanted to wait for the authorization. I almost said yes, but instead said, “Can you use GoodRx?”. She said “Yes”, and I prayed for a lower price. She told me it would be $52 dollars total. I went and shopped for groceries, and came back, nervously. She said they didn’t have enough in stock, but she could give me a 3 days supply, and I can come back in three days and get the rest. That I wouldn’t have to pay anything for today.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my thoughts calmed in my head. I looked over at my fiance, and gave him a look of relief, but a look of the fear I had been holding in all day.

I should’ve seen it coming, missing a night’s and day’s worth of medication, but I didn’t. For one, this was a semi-new medication for me, so I didn’t know what to expect with missing a day’s worth of pills. I thought I could will myself through it, though. That was my biggest mistake. I’ve already been under enough stress while on all my medications. So, I’m not quite sure what made think I could be ok going without, especially when I didn’t know how long I’d be without.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Reassessing My Priorities


My mom called me today.

I don’t have a very good relationship with her.

She goes on and on about two things with me: my health, and me being overweight, and my financial status.

She is very judgemental, and at times, can be rude about things. Almost no filter coming from her.

Today I asked her about cheaper electric companies I could go with, considering me and My Love are paying a couple of hundred a month for electric alone. Honestly, I don’t know how it really happened, but it immediately went into how I should be in a community revolving around church. Basically, she said I need to goto church and find community. That’s great and all, and I am christian, but I feel like I just don’t have time for that.

One thing she said is, how My Love and I hermit ourselves inside our small apartment. That’s not true. All she has is time, as one of my friends put it, which is true. My Love works 40+ hours a week. Every once and awhile his best friend will come over, or my dad. I work sometimes trying to make extra money when he is at work. Even if i’m not working, i’m STILL working to find extra ways I haven’t tried, to make money.

My sister and her husband travel a lot. They have a child under 5, and they now own their own business, as well as, volunteer in church. Amongst other things. Let me remind you, for me to do all that, would be pushing my boundaries for my mental health. That would be a lot of stress to me, mentally. Physically, too, but that’s another story.

So, in reassessing my priorities, I’m not going to let her get me down this time. She already got me down because of a possible engagement.

In reassessing my priorities, I will continue to work on finding ways to make money. I am stuck in that mindset right now. Probably because I am broke AF.

When you reach a new depth, you try harder, and I need more funds. Don’t let family be your worst enemy. Even though, sometimes they can be.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Stressed, Tired, And Broke


I can’t help it. I’m burnt out from work, and everything else.

I cried last night. Well, I bawled my eyes out. I kept thinking of my Dad dying, and My Love leaving me. My Love said that won’t happen, “I’m not going anywhere”.

I’m so new here still, in this town, trying to make a life for myself. It’s hard. It’s just really hard.

And i’m stressed, tired, and broke.

This is so hard, ya’ll. Let me tell ya.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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