Tag Archives: disability

Project in the Works


Hey guys!

Hope your weekend was kind to you! I have been absolutely exhausted due to a new raise on the dosage of my medication. I had debated about raising it with my doctor, for about 2 months. We did it, and now I seem unable to function daily with this new dosage so far. I’ve only been on it for a week, and I am so tired when I feel like I shouldn’t be.

I have a question for you guys. I had thoughts about making a sort of mental health planner. It would be somewhat like a regular planner, but it would have a mental health focus to it. Where you could, maybe, write down moods, journal, etc, maybe even have a place to write about your medications.

Would you guys buy it?

Let me know if this is worth it!

(BTW: Went to a petting zoo. Saw this little piggie!)

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

A Little Forethought


I should’ve seen it coming a mile way. I’m know myself better than anyone, right? Better than any doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, right? But I thought I would be fine.

I’m late posting this, very late, because today (see: this morning) I went through a grueling emotional rollercoaster, and physical turmoil. I didn’t have my medication. I was out, and I hadn’t slept all night.

I was out due to some error on either my pharmacy’s side, or my doctor’s side. Which ended up having to have my medication pre-authorized, but I was out. I was already feeling the physical, mental, and emotional withdrawals that come with antipsychotic withdrawals.

I was told I would have to pay out of pocket to get the medication, or wait days for it to be pre-authorized. I decided to pay out of pocket. Went up to a local pharmacy, and they quoted me at $400. Which I did not have. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I turned around and looked at my fiance, and began to spiral at the pharmacy, emotionally. The lady asked if me I wanted to wait for the authorization. I almost said yes, but instead said, “Can you use GoodRx?”. She said “Yes”, and I prayed for a lower price. She told me it would be $52 dollars total. I went and shopped for groceries, and came back, nervously. She said they didn’t have enough in stock, but she could give me a 3 days supply, and I can come back in three days and get the rest. That I wouldn’t have to pay anything for today.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my thoughts calmed in my head. I looked over at my fiance, and gave him a look of relief, but a look of the fear I had been holding in all day.

I should’ve seen it coming, missing a night’s and day’s worth of medication, but I didn’t. For one, this was a semi-new medication for me, so I didn’t know what to expect with missing a day’s worth of pills. I thought I could will myself through it, though. That was my biggest mistake. I’ve already been under enough stress while on all my medications. So, I’m not quite sure what made think I could be ok going without, especially when I didn’t know how long I’d be without.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

This Went Left


We can’t afford to live where we are living anymore, and it’s really putting me in the deep end, emotionally.

I’ve been very depressed, procrastinating, and letting everything fall to the wayside. This is hitting home way too much.

My Love and I may have to move back in with our parents (separately), after just recently getting engaged. We can’t afford a home, another apartment, or even the same apartment. We are spending $719 here, plus all bills separately from that. We can’t seem to make it on his income, plus my disability income.

We are lost and just looking for a miracle.

Please bear with me for the moment being.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Met With A Job Counselor


I had an appointment with my job counselor yesterday, and we talked about everything going on with me. My low energy, my depression, and me not working the past three weeks.

He’s sending me to a psychologist so I can talk everything out. He also listened to me while I spoke about everything. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want to embarrass myself. He’s just my job counselor.

. . .

I also would like to spend more time with My Love, but he’s so into his video games and tv, it’s hard. Will talk more about that later.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

There’s A Little Hiccup


Most of my immediate family AND friends have expressed that I should really think about keeping my disability, and the insurance from it, instead of getting legally married.

I understand why. At the same time, I wish I could live a normal life like everybody does, and get married, get a job, have kids, and goto college. Unfortunately, I cannot do that for one reason, or another.

1. I’m not capable of having a full time job. Due to my illness, and everyone around me knows that. I know that, too. Perhaps I’m so wrapped up in the love aspect, and feelings, of my relationship, that I fail to see that. I know many reading this may think I seem intelligent, or smart. I am. Although, due to medications and living with a psychotic disorder, I am unable to hold a full time job.

2. It’s obvious. Anyone who knows disability inside and out, knows you lose everything taking on normality. Because, it means you’re capable. Which I am not FULLY. I’m getting there, but not there just yet.

So i’m taking heed to what everyone has expressed. I won’t get legally married probably, at all. At least, not yet.

And complications with my relationship with my mother, even if I do have any kind of ceremony, she will probably not go. Unfortunately!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Literal Mood Changes


Wow. It’s so interesting when you find out something about yourself that you seem to deny often, yet accept anyway, just because.

My diagnoses as it stands is Schizoaffective Disorder, Bipolar Subtype. I never really accepted the bipolar part, because I saw myself as more of a depressed person.

According to my Daylio mood chart, I am depressed, yet it still shows up AND down moods along with the depression.

Not what I was expecting, and it’s hard to deny fact, considering this is only for 6 days of recording. I’m curious to see what a month of recording looks like, and very scared at the same time.

My Love admitted that sometimes he doesn’t know which person he’s coming home to. Happy or sad, or neutral or depressed person.

Well, let’s keep a record over this next month and see…

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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