Tag Archives: family

Candy Stealer


I usually post every Monday right now, but this is SERIOUS.

My fiance is a serious, serious candy stealer. I had to buy a fridge locker and safe from Amazon, just so he won’t my stuff. I told him “If I get two snickers bars, and I give one to you, great, but don’t eat yours AND mine, too”. He’s went through 15 or more pounds of candy in a short number of months. Two 5 lb. bags of sour patch kids in a weeks time!

Down Phase


Hey guys,

I’ve been in a down phase this past week, but I’m committed to updating my blog once a week, every Monday.

Work is slow, because I’m new, and my title is new to this organization. I’m excited as heck to work, though, so I’m ready for things to get into a routine pace. They want me to get certified by the end of this month.

There’s been a bit of depression for me. My only living grandfather past away last night. I didn’t really know him well, but I am sad. I also haven’t had a chance to write all week, nor all weekend. I’ve been exhausted from work and personal things I had to do on my days off. So I slept or relaxed for two days. My current support system isn’t going to be the way I’d like it for awhile, because of the death in my family.

All in all, things are slow right now, but I’m hoping it will pick up this week. I hope to get some writing done, to do more at work, and become less exhausted (but that may not happen).

I bought this new tea kettle in the picture above. I hope you guys like it!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

An Open Letter To My Extended Family


Dear both sides of my family,

I realize that I am that weird, quirky, sometimes crazy cousin, or niece. That even on the darkest days I am that bright light, but also on those brightest of days I am the dark moon. Which one you will get of me, you will just have to wait and see. I try so hard to appear normal to you, yet maintaining my quirkiness to my fellow mentally ill friends. I just need complacency somewhere. Somewhere where I fit in, just right. Somewhere where I can have both qualities equally bouncing around. I realize I don’t fit in quite anywhere with any of you, and I’m not ok with that. My yearn for acceptance has been a life long journey which has led me nowhere so far. To find a place in society that fits me just right is definitely a priority of mine. Probably a top priority. All I wish is to be accepted by you, and loved, and not have my sanity questioned. My wish is, you will take my quirky bits, my eccentricity, and help lead me to path where my mind can most flourish.

With love,

Lindsay

I’m Not Sure If I’m Ready


I apologize for not posting in awhile.

Let’s start off by saying, My Love and I are not sure if we can afford rent anymore. We are considering moving back into our parents house (separately). Maybe getting our finances in order, before moving back in together.

Definitely not my idea, and i’m very scared. It’s nothing against my father, or his house, so much as, all my memories there of me dealing with my schizoaffective, depression, and anxiety. And then, my ex. It would just be so backwards for me. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, everyday. I hope it doesnt come down to that.

We could make it if I got a part time job. I was doing Instacart and a few other jobs like that for awhile, but with this town being so small, it’s hard because no one orders. I was lucky if I was getting two orders a day.

I’m supposed to be starting college again soon, and i’m just so lost. I’m not sure if i’m ready. Especially with all this having to move back stuff in the back of my head.

Forgive me for not writing much, but everything is so stressful right now. And i’ve been drinking more. As well as, having panic attacks everyday. I think it’s the stress of having to go backwards when I just don’t want to. I fear going backwards is going to ramp up my symptoms and depression.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!m

This Man Is My Life


Literally. And all I can think about everyday.

I just want things to be better between us. Obviously, if he didn’t love me, or like me, he wouldn’t have proposed! So I definitely need to do my part. I have considered couples counseling, but now that I think about it, so much of the problem, I feel like, is me. Well, to an honest extent it is, but then, it isn’t.

I became depressed back in January this year. What started off as talking about a possible engagement between us, to my mom, ended up disastrous. Things became worse and worse in my head, and everything spiraled out of control inside me. I became depressed. I stopped showering, taking care of the house, I binge ate, I stopped brushing my hair, etc, and honestly, i’m still at that point, but it’s gotten better as time has went on.

My Love and I talked today. We had an argument about our feelings. He says, “I work 40 hours a week, and I come home and have to clean up the house AND cook.” I said, “I’d be in better spirits if you just spent time with me.”

Honestly, we never came to an agreement on the time spent together before the argument ended, but I promised him things would change and that I would start cleaning more and cooking more.

All of this stopped once I got depressed back in January. Just everything, like I said above plus more! I grew up in a house in my early twenties where my Dad hoarded a bit. Everything was always filthy. I hated it, but never cleaned. I’m not sure why, other than I didn’t want to clean. I just stayed in bed all day due to depression, anxiety, and psychosis. I either slept or ate, but I was always in bed. My Love said I need to break that habit of being in bed. I’m thinking I do, too, and need to start contributing to the household. Especially if i’m not working, I suppose.

Here’s to better times! 🍻

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

I Said “Yes!”


It happened. The thing I have been waiting for, for FOREVER!

It’s great! It really is, and I feel like life has opened up so many more doors for me.

On the other hand, some people will have negative things to say. One, (and kind of only), being my Mom.

She was upset that My (now) Fiancé didn’t ask her, and my stepdad, about what ring to go with and price points. She made the claim that “he wasn’t even thinking”. She put down my Dad in the process. Saying, “Well, you’re Dad doesn’t know anything about rings, so I know he didn’t ask him.” I just told her stop being judgmental. She said “let’s just leave it at that. YOU’RE the one marrying him anyway.”

Should we really leave it at though?

So much to think about. Also if I am to lose my disability, what should I do next?

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

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