Tag Archives: memory

A Little Forethought


I should’ve seen it coming a mile way. I’m know myself better than anyone, right? Better than any doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, right? But I thought I would be fine.

I’m late posting this, very late, because today (see: this morning) I went through a grueling emotional rollercoaster, and physical turmoil. I didn’t have my medication. I was out, and I hadn’t slept all night.

I was out due to some error on either my pharmacy’s side, or my doctor’s side. Which ended up having to have my medication pre-authorized, but I was out. I was already feeling the physical, mental, and emotional withdrawals that come with antipsychotic withdrawals.

I was told I would have to pay out of pocket to get the medication, or wait days for it to be pre-authorized. I decided to pay out of pocket. Went up to a local pharmacy, and they quoted me at $400. Which I did not have. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I turned around and looked at my fiance, and began to spiral at the pharmacy, emotionally. The lady asked if me I wanted to wait for the authorization. I almost said yes, but instead said, “Can you use GoodRx?”. She said “Yes”, and I prayed for a lower price. She told me it would be $52 dollars total. I went and shopped for groceries, and came back, nervously. She said they didn’t have enough in stock, but she could give me a 3 days supply, and I can come back in three days and get the rest. That I wouldn’t have to pay anything for today.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my thoughts calmed in my head. I looked over at my fiance, and gave him a look of relief, but a look of the fear I had been holding in all day.

I should’ve seen it coming, missing a night’s and day’s worth of medication, but I didn’t. For one, this was a semi-new medication for me, so I didn’t know what to expect with missing a day’s worth of pills. I thought I could will myself through it, though. That was my biggest mistake. I’ve already been under enough stress while on all my medications. So, I’m not quite sure what made think I could be ok going without, especially when I didn’t know how long I’d be without.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

xanax binges


i know no one here understands me or prob even cares. so why do i write this blog? i dont know.

i just wanted to say that.

 

im doing something i call xanax binges. where i take a few pills and then pass out. when i take up i take a few more. pass out. and so on for a few days or so. because i just want to forget about the world. and the best possible way is to do that is to sleep like away like that fairy tale where that guy sleeps for years. i wish i could do that.this haldol injection makes me quite depressed.

i just started another installment of bingeing tonight. i lose time and memory. thank god.

i never was a drug addict. and i dont consider xanax as being one.but maybe i am. i dont think id mind being one.

this one time i did a binge i was so out of it waking up i had set something in my house on fire. and didnt remmebr it til next day. but had pictures i taken of myself of setting papers on fire.

 

this haldol makes me quite miserable. depressed.

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