Tag Archives: psychiatric

Project in the Works


Hey guys!

Hope your weekend was kind to you! I have been absolutely exhausted due to a new raise on the dosage of my medication. I had debated about raising it with my doctor, for about 2 months. We did it, and now I seem unable to function daily with this new dosage so far. I’ve only been on it for a week, and I am so tired when I feel like I shouldn’t be.

I have a question for you guys. I had thoughts about making a sort of mental health planner. It would be somewhat like a regular planner, but it would have a mental health focus to it. Where you could, maybe, write down moods, journal, etc, maybe even have a place to write about your medications.

Would you guys buy it?

Let me know if this is worth it!

(BTW: Went to a petting zoo. Saw this little piggie!)

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

A Little Forethought


I should’ve seen it coming a mile way. I’m know myself better than anyone, right? Better than any doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, right? But I thought I would be fine.

I’m late posting this, very late, because today (see: this morning) I went through a grueling emotional rollercoaster, and physical turmoil. I didn’t have my medication. I was out, and I hadn’t slept all night.

I was out due to some error on either my pharmacy’s side, or my doctor’s side. Which ended up having to have my medication pre-authorized, but I was out. I was already feeling the physical, mental, and emotional withdrawals that come with antipsychotic withdrawals.

I was told I would have to pay out of pocket to get the medication, or wait days for it to be pre-authorized. I decided to pay out of pocket. Went up to a local pharmacy, and they quoted me at $400. Which I did not have. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I turned around and looked at my fiance, and began to spiral at the pharmacy, emotionally. The lady asked if me I wanted to wait for the authorization. I almost said yes, but instead said, “Can you use GoodRx?”. She said “Yes”, and I prayed for a lower price. She told me it would be $52 dollars total. I went and shopped for groceries, and came back, nervously. She said they didn’t have enough in stock, but she could give me a 3 days supply, and I can come back in three days and get the rest. That I wouldn’t have to pay anything for today.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my thoughts calmed in my head. I looked over at my fiance, and gave him a look of relief, but a look of the fear I had been holding in all day.

I should’ve seen it coming, missing a night’s and day’s worth of medication, but I didn’t. For one, this was a semi-new medication for me, so I didn’t know what to expect with missing a day’s worth of pills. I thought I could will myself through it, though. That was my biggest mistake. I’ve already been under enough stress while on all my medications. So, I’m not quite sure what made think I could be ok going without, especially when I didn’t know how long I’d be without.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Third Book In Process


Hey guys!

I am currently in process of writing my third book. I’ve been collaborating with my former peer support specialist, who worked with me when I was very sick and catatonic. She is one of the people that gave me faith, hope, and tough loved. Her tough love was unorthodox in the mental health system, considering what it was, but as I got more recovered I latched onto that tough love in order to achieve what I have today. This third book will be my life story (although, not all of it) of how I went from being in a catatonic state of Schizophrenia to where I am now, working in the mental health field.

This is quite exciting for me, in so many ways. I want others to read this book. And have hope that you can come out of the deepest trenches of mental illness and still be able to live your best life. It’s very much possible!

I’m in the beginning stages, and I hope to get a traditional publisher for this one. So, stay tuned!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Hospital Stay


I was in the hospital for a week.

That would make about something above 12 or 13th time.

I’m not going to go into it now but…way above.

 

Im tired of these. Mostly scared. They do change your environment and thats good for awhile. the doctor didnt really care about me. thats usual. im not for the mental health system though in general. my outside psychiatrist knew this hospital doc put me on a lashing of meds that wouldnt help. a crap load of crap…is what i say.

i was trying to stay away from the intramuscular shots for noncompliance but they caught up to me…

im on them the moment i got out pretty much. within 7 days. i hope i never have to goto mental health court.

 

im starting to slip into fear and paranoia again. i dont know if its paranoia or true. i really dont know. i do know i feel fear. lots of it. already. or not a lot but its starting to come back onto me again.

Parents Who Help


sometimes im jealous of people who have parents that do everything they can to help them through stuff like this. all the stories ive read about people (usually moms) doing all this stuff and learning about the issues with their child and finding them help.

it brings a real heartache to my chest.
thats never been either of my parents TBH.
they initially didnt want me to have anything to do with psychiatry when I was a teen. very little. i begged for help at the time because living was very unbearable. i eventually hit a rock bottom and quite literally physically and mentally and emotionally dropped out of school without actually technically dropping out. even though before i was giong to  psychiatrist and been to a hospital, they took it more seriously when i became 17 and had become I think so depressed and not doing anything, that I had my first full psychotic break.

they still dont know what to do. or how to do anything. just like in the past. except now they have left it really all up to the mental health system of which i want nothing more than to run away from.  but i am not someone who is able to live without some kind of help. its never proven to be more hard and uncomfortable living with schizophrenia until the early twenties of my life. i will be 23 this month and even though i was diagnosed with schizoaffective at 17 and had symptoms since about 9 years old, It hasnt proven to be so hard until i hit 20 and has become so unrelentingly, mindblowing, head spinning, disorientingly, sicken-ly, harder every year i have grown older.

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