Tag Archives: stress

Project in the Works


Hey guys!

Hope your weekend was kind to you! I have been absolutely exhausted due to a new raise on the dosage of my medication. I had debated about raising it with my doctor, for about 2 months. We did it, and now I seem unable to function daily with this new dosage so far. I’ve only been on it for a week, and I am so tired when I feel like I shouldn’t be.

I have a question for you guys. I had thoughts about making a sort of mental health planner. It would be somewhat like a regular planner, but it would have a mental health focus to it. Where you could, maybe, write down moods, journal, etc, maybe even have a place to write about your medications.

Would you guys buy it?

Let me know if this is worth it!

(BTW: Went to a petting zoo. Saw this little piggie!)

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

A Little Forethought


I should’ve seen it coming a mile way. I’m know myself better than anyone, right? Better than any doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, right? But I thought I would be fine.

I’m late posting this, very late, because today (see: this morning) I went through a grueling emotional rollercoaster, and physical turmoil. I didn’t have my medication. I was out, and I hadn’t slept all night.

I was out due to some error on either my pharmacy’s side, or my doctor’s side. Which ended up having to have my medication pre-authorized, but I was out. I was already feeling the physical, mental, and emotional withdrawals that come with antipsychotic withdrawals.

I was told I would have to pay out of pocket to get the medication, or wait days for it to be pre-authorized. I decided to pay out of pocket. Went up to a local pharmacy, and they quoted me at $400. Which I did not have. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I turned around and looked at my fiance, and began to spiral at the pharmacy, emotionally. The lady asked if me I wanted to wait for the authorization. I almost said yes, but instead said, “Can you use GoodRx?”. She said “Yes”, and I prayed for a lower price. She told me it would be $52 dollars total. I went and shopped for groceries, and came back, nervously. She said they didn’t have enough in stock, but she could give me a 3 days supply, and I can come back in three days and get the rest. That I wouldn’t have to pay anything for today.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my thoughts calmed in my head. I looked over at my fiance, and gave him a look of relief, but a look of the fear I had been holding in all day.

I should’ve seen it coming, missing a night’s and day’s worth of medication, but I didn’t. For one, this was a semi-new medication for me, so I didn’t know what to expect with missing a day’s worth of pills. I thought I could will myself through it, though. That was my biggest mistake. I’ve already been under enough stress while on all my medications. So, I’m not quite sure what made think I could be ok going without, especially when I didn’t know how long I’d be without.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Down Phase


Hey guys,

I’ve been in a down phase this past week, but I’m committed to updating my blog once a week, every Monday.

Work is slow, because I’m new, and my title is new to this organization. I’m excited as heck to work, though, so I’m ready for things to get into a routine pace. They want me to get certified by the end of this month.

There’s been a bit of depression for me. My only living grandfather past away last night. I didn’t really know him well, but I am sad. I also haven’t had a chance to write all week, nor all weekend. I’ve been exhausted from work and personal things I had to do on my days off. So I slept or relaxed for two days. My current support system isn’t going to be the way I’d like it for awhile, because of the death in my family.

All in all, things are slow right now, but I’m hoping it will pick up this week. I hope to get some writing done, to do more at work, and become less exhausted (but that may not happen).

I bought this new tea kettle in the picture above. I hope you guys like it!

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Fallout


I recently had a fallout with a best friend.

There’s two sides to every story, yes.

Her side was that I called too much. She said I needed to talk to someone everyday, and that she had a life, too, and couldn’t talk all the time.

I get it. I do. I called a lot. I always needed to talk to someone and she claimed she was my best friend so I always called her. She was my goto person when I was in need.

She has since unfriended me and said she was done.

I stuck by her when she was going through abusive relationships, her drinking and drugging, and episodes of BPD. I was always there, and never turned down her conversation, calls, or texts. Even when she called me at 3AM. She used to call me a lot. Ever since she moved in with her current boyfriend, she has a life now.

Idk. I was going through a lot last month and she told me she wasn’t working for about 3 weeks. I had tried calling and she never answered the phone.

No, but I get it. People make priority what is priority to them. I was priority until she got with her boyfriend. Even when I got my boyfriend, I kept calling her.

Moral of the story is: If you claim you are my best friend, and I put my all into you, I expect reciprocation.

I dont see how I’m in the wrong. Especially when she continually told me she was a shitty friend.

I’m gonna move on without her. Going to do my own thing.

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

Food For Thought


Good morning!

I have something hard to admit. I’m back to smoking cigarettes again, sometimes. My Love got back on them, and then so did I. I’m sorry, guys.

With that aside, and off my chest, I want to start the day on a good note. I know I will probably become depressed by noon. I don’t know how I came up with that, but I always seem to be depressed by then.

I recently had a bit of a fallout with a friend. It was my last straw with them. I helped them numerous times over the past few years to deal with their BPD and relationship issues. Everytime they called or texted, I answered. Now with me having a rough past month, they’ve been on vacation and haven’t answered my calls or texts. I’m tired of giving my all to people who can’t give their all to me. If you can’t give your all to me, and I’M giving you my all…fuck it then. Ima let you go.

I wish people would interact with my blog more. I’m not sure how many people are completely seeing it, but I would love some feedback. About anything. Maybe what I should post more of, or if you have any questions about me.

You can follow me on Twitter, if you’d like: @TheRecoveryLife

Or on Instagram: @LifeLoveRecovery

I want to leave you guys with a semi-motivational quote:

“Memories are meant to serve you, not enslave you.” – someone

Thanks for reading! And until next time!

I Have Everything To Lose


Things are not going well, all in all,

My Love and I have been arguing and fighting everyday. He’s upset over finances, and me cleaning the house very little. I’m upset because I have to beg him to hold me, talk to me, or show me any kind sexual attention whatsoever. He just won’t. Me, on the other hand, I’m working in getting a job for both of us.

I’m not sure what to say. I have considered leaving past few days, but I’m trying to stick it out and work on myself more. He hasn’t worked on much of anything. He says he just wants to be left alone, but that’s every single day. He just wants to play video games and smoke weed. I don’t feel it’s fair for him to want to be left alone for days at a time when I’m yearning for touch from him, and to hear his voice talk to me.

I followed up with that job, but still haven’t heard back. It’s been almost a week. I really want this job so bad, and I just don’t know if I’ll get it, or not.

I’ve been drinking more. And I’ve started drinking liquor. And today I drank before noon. Those are sure shot signs I’m not in a good place at all.

My mom seems to be avoiding me, and my dad is just too busy working. My friends, they are busy with their own things. I don’t have many people in my life that stick around, and I cant help but feel My Love will leave me someday.

For the love of everything, Lord, send me a sign. I need things to get better, and I’ve only contemplated hurting myself everyday.

Thanks for reading. And until next time.

Does It Ever End?


The financial situation is just getting worse.

I’m really holding out on getting a proper job. I’m not sure why completely. My health isn’t up to par enough to do it. That’s probably why, honestly.

I feel like we can get through this, but in the meantime I will be going back to instacart for awhile to make some extra cash.

Enjoy this picture of Thor looking out the window. I took him to the dog park today. I’ve been exercising a lot more, and slowly eating better.

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